There are anniversaries we don’t want to celebrate.
There are those moments that we call victories; that are races won to be sure,
but places better left alone. We quietly remember them to ourselves because we know
the cost, yet there remains an indelible mark always recounting the price we
paid for release from that period in our personal history. This can never
be communicated or shared because the words will inevitably escape us, and
besides the Gold Medal here is the freedom. It’s never having to revisit
that dark hole, and claiming that sweet victory for our very own. Sometimes
never having to share the bowl of leftover cake batter is the sweetest part of
it all; we get to have it for our very own.
Today when I greet a friend or a loved one; when I
shake a new hand, I've been blessed to see those moments in everyone. I know
that I am not alone. I know that everyone has those anniversaries they choose
not to celebrate. We each have our dark places, holes that we’ve had to crawl
out of, barely alive, or maybe some of us are still in them; not quite ready to
start the process.
I love this holiday above all others. This is, without
question, my favorite time of year. As a matter of tradition, I like to take
little pieces of it with me throughout the year. I love it for what it can
be. I love it because I know what it has been. December was the month a
17yr.old boy lost his father. December was the month that same kid spent
Christmas eve, & Christmas day in the back of a ’78 Chevy Impala without a
soul to share the holiday. December was the 3’rd of 6mos. he spent in a
recovery center where he enjoyed but a single visitor. I don’t want to darken
your day w/ a bunch of misery here, after all this is about what it can be!
Sure it was the month I said goodbye to my father, yet it is
the same month my family welcomed our sister’s 1’st born. It is the month I
gained a niece & she’s since grown into a strong, beautiful, successful
young woman. It was the month that I realized the darkest, lowest moment of
loneliness & despair; & yet that became the measuring stick of how far
I’ve come. My sister-in-laws husband once asked: “not one person stuck around
to make sure you turned out O.K.”? I had to answer: “no”, because that is the
truth. Today, I am surrounded by more love than, that young man could ever have
imagined. For a young man in a recovery home it was a month of frustration,
anger and a harbinger of change, and yet it remains one of my single favourite
holiday memories. To dance that New Year in w/ my mother in my
arms is a joy that few if any will ever claim as their own.
There are so many gifts that we miss out on. For every
dark hole we climb out of; for every mountainous garbage pile conquered, there
remains a victory to celebrate. Sure, there are those anniversaries we want to ignore,
but the victories they represent should never, ever be forgotten. More often
than not, they represent some of the most defining moments in our lives. For
me, today this is the month where I will welcome home our eldest son from his
1’st semester in university. I pray it is also the month where I will recognize
a defining moment of personal change. It is a time of giving, & receiving;
of family, & celebration, & new hope.
I feel especially blessed because I live in a part of
the world where we see all four seasons, and at this particular time of year I
can usually count on a blanket of snow. A White Christmas is a beautiful
thing, for those of us that can appreciate it. You see, back when I was calling
that Chevy Impala home, my friend had to hide it behind a garage (out building)
on his landlord’s property, & tucked in behind that building I dug that car
out of more than a couple of snow drifts before calling it a night, so for me
that beautiful blanket of snow is the assurance that new life lies just beneath
the surface.
(I never figured out why he wouldn't let me sleep on
his sofa, but that’s a whole other bunny trail!)
No, some anniversaries don’t need to be celebrated.
Those victory celebrations are yours & yours alone. What we need to do when
the snow fall sets in and starts to accumulate is call in sick to work, pack
the kids up into the mini-van, strap your best toboggans onto the roof and find
the closest hill …
& don’t forget to break the budget on Hot
Chocolates, you can’t take it with ya’ ...
A Very Merry Christmas to One & All
Love; S.
